Svarttjern
Towards the ultimate
Agonia Records

As much as there seems to be a singing of praises for Oslo's true kvlt black metallers Svarttjern's second album, I'm not enamored by it in the slightest. The production is, without question, a hefty lesson in annihilation-by-metal, but it's completely wasted when the music it's enhancing is nondescript in the big black metal picture. There's nothing exciting here at all; not even the obligatory mid-paced-into-fast-paced-into-mid-paced mid-album track (in this case "I AM the path part II") that normally elicits a "Let's fucking slay!" reaction works here. The riffs are just way too... crap. I'm sorry to have to use the word, but boring just doesn't cut it at this moment in time. Neither Kerry King's long-and-pointy nailband nor Watain's applied-as-if-it-were-just-thrown-on-but-really-it's-contrived-as-fuck corpsepaint can make up for the fact that Svarttjern are a very average black metal band. I've just noticed that there are a lot of hyphens in this review. Fuck, that's how bored I am listening to this album -- I'm actually counting hyphens. I'm -- actually -- counting -- hyphens. We're up to 29 now. Time to fire up "Sworn to the dark" and wash this muck outta my earholes.
- John Norby